meet norm belyea

I was raised in a town that was almost as small as a strip mall. The only thing I knew about God was a bedtime prayer my mother had taught me when I was four. It went, “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the LORD my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the LORD my soul to take.” Now that prayer was enough to make me poop my pajamas! Do you mean I might die in my sleep? I wondered. Sure, Mom believed in God, but she never went to church. Instead, she would send me to Sunday school, which is a place where children learn about God. She’d also give me a nickel for the collection plate. Well, that nickel went on bubble gum, and I’d skip Sunday school to chew it.

My family life was as messed up as a fallen house of cards. My father was a weekend alcoholic, and my mother was addicted to a mood-altering drug called Valium. Worse, when I misbehaved, Mom would whip me with the ironing cord or give me the silent treatment for days. I started becoming molested by a family member when I was just five. And because I was sensitive, the other boys would call me a sissy and beat me up. Some of the older boys began molesting me too. I never bonded with my father, so without realizing it I sexualized that unmet need and just accepted the fact that to be friends with other males, sex must be involved. When I was 10, I started sneaking my parents’ liquor. By age 13, I was so angry and sexually confused that I began skipping school and committing petty crimes. For that, I ended up in a foster care home for four months. At 14, I ran away and hit the seedy streets of Toronto city. There, I started a life of crime and drug abuse. By 15, I was selling my body to get those drugs. And stealing everything in sight! 

At one point I even got involved in witchcraft. Worse, when I ended up in a maximum-security mental hospital, I prayed to Satan to help me escape. And he did—twice—to the shock of the guards there. By the time I was 19, I was in jail and looking at some serious time. But God got through to me. He sent a pastor to preach the gospel to me in that dank and dirty detention centre. He told me that we are all sinners, which meant we have all done things we knew were wrong and would be accountable to God one day for those wrongs; for the Scriptures say, “It is appointed unto man to die once; after this, judgement” (The Bible, Book of Hebrews, chapter 9, verse 27). Moreover, God’s judgement would be either an eternity spent in heaven, or an eternity spent in hell. Hell was the place sinners go for eternity if they haven’t asked God for forgiveness. For it is written: “For the wages of sin is death” (The Bible, Book of Romans, chapter 6, verse 23).

The pastor also informed me that since God was holy and without sin, and we weren’t, He could not have a relationship with us—ever—because of our sin. But God wanted a relationship with us with all His heart. God had said so Himself: “As I live, says the LORD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die” (The Bible, Book of Ezekiel, chapter 33, verse 11)? And even though sinful human beings could never spend eternity with God in heaven, God came up with a remedy. Instead of humankind offering imperfect animal sacrifices to cover our sins, He sent His own Son to be the perfect sacrifice. Representing all of humankind, He fully paid the penalty for our sins. 

God’s Son’s name was Jesus. And He came to earth, was born into a body of flesh, lived a sin-free life, and allowed Himself to be crucified on a cross to pay for the sins of every human who had ever lived. Yes, that’s how much God loves us. That preacher told me that on Judgement Day, God didn’t want to send me to hell for refusing His Son as my Saviour. For the Bible says, “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son; that whoever should believe in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (The Bible, Book of John, chapter three, verse 16). No, God wanted people to spend eternity with Him in heaven and be happy for evermore. All I had to do was admit to God that He was right about me being a sinner and accept His pardon for my sins by asking Jesus to forgive me and be my Saviour. Which I did. 

But the preacher had only given me half of the message. He never told me that now that I had accepted Jesus as my Saviour, I was free from the bondage of sin. He never told me that I was dead to sin and alive to Christ now. He never mentioned that my old sin nature had been nailed to the cross with Christ. For the Bible says, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (The Bible, Book of Galatians, chapter 2, verse 20). As good as that preacher’s intentions were, he failed to inform me that when God’s Spirit merged with mine, the old me died and I had gained a new identity in Christ. That meant I no longer had to obey the longings of my fleshy nature. In other words, why feed a corpse? He forgot to include that having been born again I now had the freedom to be able to say no to sin and to live a joyous, peaceful, and abundant life.

And because my life had been all about sex, drugs, and criminal behaviour, the devil had a stronghold over me that I didn’t realize. Ironically, I was a free man who was still living like a slave to sin. And so, during my two-year stint in prison, I began a life as a worldly Christian, for I had just as much sex and drugs inside as I did on the streets. I just didn’t know any better. Having not read the Bible, I never realized that it said, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new” (The Bible, Second Book of Corinthians, chapter 5, verse 17). Yes, I was new now, but the devil didn’t want me to know it. So, in my ignorance, I continued living the same way I always had. Yes, the Holy Spirit kept convicting me that being high on alcohol and drugs and breaking the rules was wrong, but I felt powerless to stop these behaviours. It was all I knew. And my flesh, being as powerful as it is, had me convinced that I must satisfy all its sinful urges. Worse, the devil and my flesh had deceived me into believing that continuing in my sins was the only way I could medicate my mangled emotions.

Yes, deep down inside I was still the walking wounded, discouraged by my upbringing and the fact that the only males who wanted to be “friends” with me wanted sex. But even deeper down than that, something else was happening, too: every now and then, in my drug-dazed heart, I could hear God’s still small voice telling me that one day everything would be all right. God was faithful and never left me; for He knew that in my heart I loved Him and that one day I would come to my senses and serve Him. For it is written: “For the LORD does not see as a man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (The Bible, First Book of Samuel, chapter 16, verse 7).

Because my entire childhood, teen years, and early ‘20s had been all about sex, drugs, alcohol, and crime, I sank deeper and deeper into that lifestyle. It was all I had ever known. Overall, I was in and out of prison more times than a bank robber makes cash withdrawals. Ten years of my life wasted! I had become a career criminal. But I wanted to change jobs because I wasn’t particularly good at this one. If I had been, I wouldn’t have kept getting caught! It was that, and the fact that I did not want to do a life sentence on the installment plan. 

Finally, when I turned 26, I had a wake-up call. It was the day of my release. And it was also the last day I ever spent in prison. I was scared in my cell that morning; frightened about how I was going to make it this time. And then my eyes landed on the bookshelf, where a dusty Bible was sitting. Something (God)told me to open it up. And so I did. The first verse I landed on was God talking to a guy named Joshua. It read: “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (The Bible, Book of Joshua, chapter 1, verse 9). Now I know God had said those words to a man named Joshua long ago; but deep down inside I knew God was using those very words to encourage me. 

I got released. I cleaned myself up. And I started paying my rent and taxes like everyone else. I even got a government job. But the devil wasn’t going to stop messing up my life that easily. I slipped and fell in with the wrong crowd again. After a four-year relapse with drugs and alcohol, I moved back to my hometown, where I seriously got right with God. I told Him I was sorry and begged him to help me get my life together. Turns out I never needed to beg to Him; He let me know that He had been there with me all along, just waiting for me to turn to Him for help. And so, I let Him help me. That is when God, with a heart that is huger than the heavens, took away my desire for sin, helped me to become a soldier with the Salvation Army, uniform and all, and got me a position as a volunteer at a nursing home. I even committed to a life without sex before marriage.

But then as though a bully were tripping me with his leg, I fell for drugs again. The reason? I gave into sin. That sin was a grudge I chose to hold on to instead of forgiving the person as Christ commanded us to do in the Bible. And since a sinful attitude made me feel unhappy, I chose to pick up drugs to make me feel happy again. They were heavy duty drugs, too, like speed and crack. Bad move. I ended up in the mental hospital again instead of going to jail. After I was released, I went to college, earned a journalism degree, and got my own apartment. And life was good…that is until I injured my back and needed painkillers. And there I went again. As I said earlier, drugs and alcohol had been a lifelong weakness for me. They made me feel peaceful despite being in pain. Yes, those drugs sparked a blood lust in me that lasted ten years. Ten…long…miserable years. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be right with God because He had never stopped blessing me throughout my constant backsliding. That’s right. He just kept on forgiving me each time I asked Him to. And so, I stopped abusing alcohol and drugs cold turkey once and for all. And man, was I ever shaking it rough!

Then one day as I was suffering severely, I opened my apartment door and there on the floor was a flyer from the White Oaks Community Church. I scanned it without thinking, crumpled it into a ball, tossed it into the garbage can. Then for some reason I uncrumpled it and put it into my in-tray. After several more weeks of withdrawals, I stumbled across that wrinkled piece of paper and called the phone number listed there. That is how I met Pastor Ron. When I met him, I was a mess! Tears trailed down my cheeks as I laid my life story on him. And kind shepherd that he is, Ron comforted me with words of encouragement and led me in the right direction, for he had once been where I was: a Christian man trying to get off alcohol and suffering miserably. 

He told me what I had was an identity problem. He told me that as a Christian, my old sinful nature had been nailed to the cross with Christ, that sin no longer controlled me; that I could say no to sin because the Spirit and power of God was within me now. For it is written: “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ has set me free from the power of sin and death” (The Bible, Book of Romans, chapter 8, verse 2). Ron let me know that when I accepted Jesus as my Saviour, His Spirit took up residence in my body to help me live victoriously over sin. Satan had seen to it that I never knew this fact all those years. Now that I realized I had the power to say no to sin, I started doing so. And it became easier and easier to resist giving in to sin. 

Even though in the beginning I slipped a few times with alcohol and pain pills, I am finally on the right path. I have now been living a holy life for about two years. And I have read the Bible from cover to cover five times. In fact, I read it every day. Jesus was right: the truth does set you free (The Bible, Book of John, chapter 8, verse 32). 

However, believe me, a lifetime of using alcohol and drugs for comfort is a hard habit to break. But now I am taking it just one day at a time and doing well. For example, I only take pain pills if I need them. I also have not had sex outside of marriage for 20 years now. That itself is a miracle for a former sex addict! I guess God is so good to me because at least I am trying. In His kindness, that’s all He asks. He even got Pastor Ron to disciple me into becoming a junior pastor with the White Oaks Community Church, which I cherish with all my heart. God has also helped me get a volunteer position at the White Oaks Court Community Connection Food Bank, which has given me great satisfaction in that I am serving God and helping others. In fact, there hasn’t been one prayer that God hasn’t answered. Moreover, God has always provided for my needs, just as His Word states: “And my God shall supply your every need, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (The Bible, Book of Philippians, chapter 4, verse 19). 

Truly God has given me the desires of my heart. And so, I can wholeheartedly say that God is faithful and patient, for He has stood by me, through thickness and thin and through sickness and sin. And all because I accepted Him as my Saviour 37 years ago. Now, my life isn’t perfect. I’m not Super Christian by any means. But I have been there, done that, and can relate to, and help, anyone who is in bondage to sex, drugs, and alcohol. So, if you are in that deep, dark place of despair, I can assure you, my friend, that if you turn to Jesus, He will never leave you nor forsake you. And He’ll help you break free from those shackles, too. I am proof of that.

So that’s my story. Instead of an eternal life sentence in hell, Jesus has given me an eternal life sentence in heaven one day. A life of everlasting bliss. A life evermore of being cradled in the arms of the One who loves me and created me. The Great Judge, who is Almighty God, has pronounced His verdict on me—Not guilty by reason of Christianity--namely Jesus!